On Imposter Syndrome
As you’ve probably guessed by the title, we’re going to talk about imposter syndrome, a psychological phenomena where one thinks themselves an imposter. That they don’t really fit in, and -for some- the profound fear that someone is going to find out. This is a feeling I’d imagine almost everyone working in creative fields has felt, and yes, programming is an act of creativity.
I’ve had this one in my drafts since I had an inspiring chat with one of my mentors back in college, some odd 5 years ago. I had always felt this was an important thing for me to write about, because I’ve personally struggled with this, and I know how heavy a burden it can be.This year, I had the privilege of attending Adobe Max, and one of the speakers inspired me to finally work on this piece.
Background §
Back in University, I got a job at the University’s IT Department as a Student Assistant, who would be performing the duties of a Web Developer. I had always held an enthusiasm around web tech, but my major was in fine arts, everything I knew about web development was completely self-taught. I over-performed expectations, but because I was the only developer on my team, I had no real peers to get feedback or acknowledgment from. This is one of many, many ways that imposter syndrome can begin to creep in.
I had the great honor of having a few really great mentors — and I asked one of them, Jessika, about this feeling. She was a graphic designer on my team at the time, one of the few full time employees. We became friendly, collaborated on several projects, and exchanged critique. She was one of the first people to acknowledge, and respect my ability, and point of view. In my last year of college, she gave me a good bit of advice. I asked her if she had ever had imposter syndrome, and if she did, how did she overcome it? We began talking about our experiences.
Fear and Uncertainty §
My experience with imposter syndrome manifested in a lot of self doubt. I would second-guess myself a lot and decisions were hard to make, because I never knew if I was “doing it right,” and I had no peers from which to receive feedback. Being self-taught amplified this feeling of uncertainty in what I was doing. For some though, imposter syndrome carries with it a fear or paranoia that your peers will find you out. That you’ll be exposed as a fraud, because you’re learning as you go, or have no other point of reference with which to compare your work. Or you have no avenue for genuine feedback.
My mentor shared that she was constantly bothered by fears that “Someone would realize I had duped them into hiring me for a job that I wasn’t qualified for.” I think it’s very important to be transparent about your limitations, but to take on the attitude, and earn a reputation as someone who will figure it out.
Fake it until you make it §
Imposter syndrome can affect anyone at any stage of their career, but it is most common when people start out in a new field. Jessika recalled that, to begin with, she just powered through the feeling with a “fake it until you make it” attitude, saying “I would do any task, and would turn to Google for help if I needed it.” I can really relate to this, because I kind of did the same thing. I grew a lot during my job there, because I felt I had something to prove.
In many ways, this is a stage that everyone experiences any time they start a new job. There’s always a period of time where you’re learning the workplace expectations, culture, and language. For independent artists, contract workers, and other isolated creatives, I encourage you to find a community of peers. It’ll be awkward at first, but “fake it until you make it”, and you may find that you’ve made new friends, and now have more confidence in your work.
Transparency §
As I wrote before, I think that it is really important to be transparent about your limitations, but to also reassure that those limitations are temporary, and to remain hungry to learn and improve.
I think this is good advice for everyone -imposter syndrome or not- because it helps people manage their expectations. Don’t sell yourself short, but acknowledge when you don’t know something. The other side of this coin is to be eager to learn. If you have an attitude of “I don’t know much about X, but I’d love to learn it,” the perceived incompetence is replaced by respect for the dedication and enthusiasm you have for your craft.
It is a commonly known fact that it can take most people starting at a new job to take 8 months to a year to become fully productive, longer if there is a sufficient knowledge gap. People are generally patient understanding this.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy §
After several years of battling these feelings, my mentor began to work through those insecurities by “Identifying them and proving to myself that I am capable, using rational examples such as education, experience, repeat clients, etc.” This method is similar cognitive behavioral therapy, which encourages you to face intrusive thoughts and dismiss them on a proving ground of history, logic, and probability. Up until now, I’ve mostly talked about people struggling with imposter syndrome when starting a new job or career where they have’t felt they have proven themselves. Industry veterans aren’t immune to imposter syndrome, and cognitive behavioral therapy can be a great weapon to fight those feelings.
This is such a powerful mechanism that award winning cinematographer and motion graphics artist, Emonee LaRussa, spoke about her experiences with imposter syndrome and how this coping mechanism helped her during her Keynote at Adobe Max 2024. This was a fantastic speech that I’d recommend to everyone, but it is sadly not publicly available. Emonee struggled with imposter syndrome early in her film career, where she also faced much disrespect and discrimination. She made a stand with the statement “If no one is going to believe in me, I needed to believe in myself.” She used examples of growth and achievements to reaffirm her worth in the professional field.
You don’t have to have your work shown in a gallery or win awards to give yourself the evidence you need to fight those negative feelings.
Valuing yourself §
This isn’t directly related to imposter syndrome, but I wanted to talk a little about what Emonee shared on the Max stage about believing in your own value, and how she structures her life for success.
Making the bold move to believe in herself, and seek validation from herself, instead of others is a difficult thing to do. She needed work to intentionally believe in that thought, and make changes in her everyday life, to create evidence to validate it. One of the things she says to reinforce her positive self image is, “You put in as much time as you possibly can to become great.”
This doesn’t mean that you need to spend every waking moment of your life working. It means being intentional about structuring your life around your passion and what you’re able to give. It’s important to keep a healthy work life balance, and it’s important to acknowledge that taking breaks are productive. It’s important to understand your limits — otherwise you might burn out.
Another thing Emonee focuses on is the statement, “I am getting better every year.” This takes watching tutorials, studying new best practices, and seeking out inspirational content. And this kind of professional development can be done during your work hours. One of the great quotes to come from that speech was to “Completely surround yourself with things that inspire your creative path.”
Something that you can do to prove that you’re getting better every year, is to look back at your older work. I keep the originals of (almost) every piece of creative work I’ve ever made. It’s good to look back and see how much I’ve improved. This is proof that you can utilize in fighting against imposter syndrome, and other psychological inflictions that make you feel negatively about your work. Looking back can also show a lot about yourself, and give you some ideas on where to go next.
Everyone is making it up as they go §
I think there’s this radical idea that helps put everything in perspective. My mentor summed it up perfectly by saying “I realized that no one knows what they are doing; I've even had an executive tell me that, flat-out, about themselves. Even after you get your diploma, that just means you have a foundation, but a lot of what you learn isn't how it works in the real world.” I think that’s absolutely true. There are very few people that truly know the entirety of a specific subject, but even they began their journey with some degree of uncertainty; it’s a part of learning after all.
Conclusion §
Go easy on yourself, and on others. My greatest advice to anyone, is to put passion into whatever you do, be curious, and always seek to learn from others, because everyone has something to teach. Be intentional with your time, and find examples you can point to for self validation.
I know this was very different from my usual, short form technology post, but I do think it’s important to talk about this subject. Hopefully you can take something away from this, and maybe I’ll do more pieces like this in the future.